A Small Scale Tragedy

Blogland mourns the loss of posts in September November and December oh 7, and January and March oh 8. The Emir refused to place the blame on the dearth of comments that the tourists in Bloglandia have caused with their neglect.

In other news, a bill for the construction of a state of the art RSS feed passes before the upper house for consideration today.

And for the umpteenth time, no, Bloglandia and Strong Badia do not share a border. They are separated by the Strait of YerWalter.

Yer a Blues, John. Yer Blues, John.
Ah, I see you've read my file.
Blueglass? Oh, must be from Kentucky.
My new book will be called Puntastic: the Dan Price/Dan Verkamp Connection.
It will be published by Not For Sale Publishers, who handled my other book Chain of Foo's: Is Aretha Franklin Mr. T?

Joel

In the not too distant future,
Next Sunday A.D.
There was a guy named Joel,
Not too different from you or me.

He worked at Gizmonic Institute,
Just another face in red jump suit.
He did a good job cleaning up the place,
But his bosses didn't like him & they shot him into space!


We'll send him cheesy movies,
The worst we can find...(la! la! la!)
He'll have to sit & watch them all,
Then we'll monitor his mind...(la! la! la!)

Now keep in mind Joel can't control,
When the movies begin & end...(la! la! la!)
Because he used those special parts,
To make his robot friends --

ROBOT ROLL CALL (Let's Go!)

Cambot (Pan Left!)
Gypsy (Hi Girls!)
Tom Servo (Hi Tall Guy!)
Crooooooow (I'm The Wisecracker!)

If you're wondering how he eats & breathes,
And other science facts...(la! la! la!)
Then repeat to yourself its just a show,
I should really just relax...For Mystery Science Theater
3000.......

Mike

In the not too distant future
Way down in Deep Thirteen
Dr. Forrester and TV's Frank
Were hatching an evil scheme

They hired a temp by the name of Mike
Just a regular Joe they didn't like
Their experiment needed a good test case
So they conked him on the noggin and they shot him into space
(Mike: "Get me DOWWWN!")

Mike II

In the not too distant future
Way down in Deep 13
The evil Dr. Forrester
Was hatching a nasty scheme
He hired a temp by the name of Mike
Just a regular Joe he didn't like
His experiment needed a good test case
So he conked him on the noggin'
And he shot him into space
(Mike: GET ME DOWN!!!)

ROBOT ROLL CALL....

Cambot (Show yourself)
Gypsy (I'm not ready)
Tom Servo (Hi ho there)
Croooooooow (That's one 'O'!)

New Season

In the not-too-distant future,
somewhere in time and space,
Mike Nelson and his robot pals
are caught in an endless chase,

Pursued by a woman whose name is Pearl,
an evil gal who wants to rule the world.
She threw a few things in her purse,
and in her rocketship she hunts him all across the universe.
(Pearl) I'll get you!!!

ROBOT ROLL CALL

Cambot! (You're on!)
Gypsy! (Oh, my stars!)
Tom Servo! (Check me out!)
Croooow! (I'm different!)

Colonel : No, no this is silly.

Dino: What's silly?

Colonel : No, the whole premise is silly and it's very badly written. I'm the senior officer here and I haven't had a funny line yet. So I'm stopping it.

Dino: You can't do that!

Colonel : I've done it. The sketch is over.

Watkins: I want to leave the army please sir, it's dangerous.

Colonel: Look, I stopped your sketch five minutes ago. So get out of shot. Right director! Close up. Zoom in on me. (camera zooms in) That's better.

Luigi: (off screen) It's only 'cos you couldn't think of a punch line.

Colonel: Not true, not true. It's time for the cartoon. Cue telecine, ten, nine, eight...

Cut to telecine countdown.

Dino: (off screen) The general public's not going to understand this, are they?

Colonel : (off screen) Shut up you eyeties!

Cartoon rubbish entitled 'Full Frontal Nudity': Written, created and conceived off the back of a lorry by a demented American.

Cut to two naked men.

Cut to colonel.

Colonel : Now, I've noticed a tendency for this programme to get rather silly. Now I do my best to keep things moving along, but I'm not having things getting silly. Those two last sketches I did got very silly indeed, and that last one about the bed was even sillier. Now, nobody likes a good laugh more than I do...except perhaps my wife and some of her friends...oh yes and Captain Johnston. Come to think of it most people likes a good laugh more than I do. But that's beside the point. Now, let's have a good clean healthy outdoor sketch. Get some air into your lungs. Ten, nine, eight and all that.

Cut to two hermits on a hillside.

Colonel: (coming up and stopping them) Right, right, stop it. This film's got silly. Started off with a nice little idea about grannies attacking young men, but now it's got silly. This man's hair is too long for a vicar too. These signs are pretty badly made. Right, now for a complete change of mood.

Cut to man in dirty raincoat.

It'sssss... Mean Mr. Mustard sleeps in the park
Shaves in the dark trying to save paper
Sleeps in a hole in the road
Saving up to buy some clothes
Keeps a ten-bob note up his nose
Such a mean old man

Frankie Howerd.

No! Stoppit!